i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
