I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
