so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Randomize
