One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Randomize