so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize