I want to stick my p in your. b.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
