i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Randomize
