was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
