He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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