its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
