How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Couch. On fire.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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