we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
