Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
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