He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Randomize
