I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
PANTIES FOUND
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