the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
