By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
