she woke up with a sticky ear
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
