I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
