I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
