News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
