I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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