she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
