Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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