so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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