dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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