can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
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