i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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