Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
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