the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
