she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize