nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
