You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
