i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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