somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
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