i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
