i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize