Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
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