You don't have asthma, your pregnant
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
