moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Randomize
