Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Don't tell me you're on acid again
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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