And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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