Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
