shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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