just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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