How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
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