would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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