i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Who died my cat blue again?
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
