If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
