The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize