Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
God gave him joint rollers for hands
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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