There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
