You don't have asthma, your pregnant
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Randomize
