It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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