I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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