I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
