Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
