First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Nobody cheats on THIS.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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