You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Randomize
