Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
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