He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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