I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
