My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
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