This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
