i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
