I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Houston, we have a blender
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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