my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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