i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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