And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
