my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
